Sisterly Betrayal: Should You Donate a Kidney to Your Abuser? A Heart-Wrenching Dilemma

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[Herald Business = Reporter Kim Bo-young] A woman who says her older biological sister tormented her as a child and is now asking for a kidney transplant has gone public with her dilemma.

On the 6th, JTBC’s Case Chief featured a woman in her 50s identified as A, who said she received a “please save me” message from her sister after roughly ten years of no contact.

A is the youngest of three children—one son and two daughters. After their older brother died when they were young, only A and her sister, who is four years older, were left at home. Their parents were often occupied with running a business, so the sisters spent a lot of time alone; according to A, the older sister bullied her rather than cared for her.

A says the sister would shove her and hurl insults when their parents were away. On one occasion the sister took A into the mountains under the pretense of playing hide-and-seek and left her there. If A returned home late, the sister would beat her with a broom, a shovel, or a stick.

On one particularly alarming occasion, the sister allegedly tried to force A to swallow ten pills while saying, “I’ll kill you.” A recalled that she tried to swallow them in anger but they got stuck in her throat and she spat them out. “My mother scolded my sister harshly, asking if she meant to kill me,” A said.

The sister married young and later became widowed. She frequently contacted A asking to borrow money, and A lent it repeatedly because she felt she could not refuse. The sisters lost contact after their parents died ten years ago.

Recently, the sister reached out again and asked to meet. She told A, “My kidneys are failing; I’m on dialysis and there are many people on the transplant waiting list. Please save me,” and asked A to donate a kidney.

A had hoped for a genuine apology, but the sister flatly denied the past abuse. She said, “I was a middle schooler—why would I have used that kind of language?” and claimed not to remember mistreating her.

A said, “She jumped up insisting she never bullied me. I would have accepted an apology, but now I feel ashamed for ever thinking that way.” She asked for advice, worried that if she refuses the kidney request she might regret it later.

Attorney Park Ji-hoon, responding to the case, said, “I view childhood abuse as relevant to the present. The possibility that she could harm A again cannot be ruled out. She should sever ties.”

Park Sang-hee, a counseling psychology professor at Korea Open Cyber University, added, “I don’t know if the sister denies the abuse because she thinks she would lose access to help if she admitted it, but her stance is seriously misguided.”

Professor Park stressed, “The key point is that a kidney transplant should only be discussed after an apology and genuine reconciliation. A transplant should have been raised only after forgiveness and relationship repair.”